My headspace

Sometimes I feel like I was born into a family that all belongs to each other and I am the outsider. My family is pretty close to each other even if we don't have formal family reunions. I always know how my moms sister is doing. I always know how one cousin is doing. I always know how my niece is doing (but she lives with me....so it's hard not to know).

But the rest of the family is a mystery to me. I come from a rather large family. My dad is the oldest of 8 children and my mother is 4:6 and I the youngest of three. We are numerous in every instance of the word but it seems as though everyone is in their own silos. I don't know what is happening with most of them.

I remember one time, my sister, niece/nephew and I I had to drive to Mississippi for a funeral or a wedding... I never remember which. I had driven everyone down in my car and then all the cousins went out to a club to spend time together....well, all except me. I was never asked to go. In fact, I'm usually not invited to anything cousin related nor am I told that it was happening. On the other side of my family, I am valued but not cared about. That side of the family genuinely cares about my wellbeing but they do that with everyone. It's just....I want to be connected to my family....and it seems no one else does.