Expectations, the Enemy of Real Life
I've been talking to my family lately about what the future holds for me. I'll be graduating soon with my doctorate and will need to again start paying back student loans. I will not be able to do that and stay in my current position so my dad and I were talking about potentially selling my house.
My niece, who lives with me, freaked out at the idea of me selling my house. But she only freaked out because she wanted to make sure she still had a place to live. I told her about a potential job I could do and that it would mean I needed to travel and move every few months to a year. But I couldn't do that job for long because I needed to return back to my hometown and take care of my parents as they get older. My parents are turning 70 next year and I know the older they get, the more assistance they will need.
My niece was concerned that I was going to take care of the old people (that's what I call my parents BTW). And I reminded her that it has to be me to take care of them 'cause no one else would. She wasn't going to take care of them, my nephew wasn't going to take care of them, neither were my siblings. All that responsibility fell to me. I am the only one who would do it; I am the only one who cares.
So, it seems the purpose of my life is just to serve others. Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoy serving others. I love showing people love. What I don't love is that it is never reciprocated. I give and give and give and give and then I go home and give and give and give and then I go to sleep. Wake up, and repeat the cycle 24/7. Even my weekends are filled with pouring into others and loving on others and doing for others. I'm tired. One of my coworkers a few years ago had a doormat. It said, "please, walk all over me, everyone does." And I feel like my life is a doormat. I am Coming to America's "whatever you like." I feel like ever since I was born I was trained to serve everyone. What you want be damned. Why should I expect anything to be different?
Imani Izzi: Ever since I was born, I have been trained to serve you.
Prince Akeem: I know, but I'd like to know about you. What do you like to do?
Imani Izzi: Whatever you like. -
Prince Akeem: What kind of music do you like? -
Imani Izzi: Whatever kind of music you like.
Prince Akeem: I know what I like, and you know what I like, 'cause you were trained to know, but I would like to know what you like. Do you have a favorite food?
Imani Izzi: (nods head)
Prince Akeem: Good! What is your favorite food?
Imani Izzi: Whatever food you like.
Prince Akeem: This is impossible.
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