Focus

I am being pulled in so many directions at the same time I am finding it difficult to focus on any one thing at all. So many things on my to do list have urgent beside them that I get nervous and jump back and forth between projects when I know I just need to focus on one, get it done, and move on to the next one. But that's not happening at the moment. Everything is marked "urgent" but at the same time, life is so unbearably heavy. I cannot watch the news and I can hardly stand to get on social media for the reminder of how much I am not wanted nor wanted in this country; but I am stuck here. I cannot focus on the things in front of me for fear of the things around me.

Will I be the next target? What is going to happen? When it happens, what will I do? Will I remember who I am and fight or will I run and hide; letting the fear take control. But I can't focus on that right now, there are too many things to do. But then those thoughts, those thoughts about safety that rarely leave my brain start creeping to the front of my brain and I am again confronted with a society who wouldn't care if I lived or died. A friend of mine says her worst fear is to realize she never lived while she was alive.

I can't get through the next twenty minutes without shifting thoughts about different projects. Who has the time to live? And doesn't living require money. Well.... I don't have that at all.

Wait, what was the point of this post???