Pause, Breathe, Proceed

My boss tells me that every time I get frustrated at work. Pause, Breathe, Proceed...

I go through stages where I have to write in order to breathe.

I'm coming to that stage again.

I've noticed these past few months that I must take medicine to turn my brain off, just enough to allow me to go to sleep each night. Then, I take my vitamins and caffeine all day to keep going when I'm awake again.

Repeat, day after day.

But there is so much on my mind.

Work stuff, home stuff, friend stuff, animal stuff... stuff just to distract ourselves and busy ourselves to get through each mind-numbing day.

Just stuff......

Distractions really.

But what should be the focus??? If everything is just a distraction, what are we to focus on?

I absolutely hate crowds and would like nothing better than to be in my house.

But life is outside my four walls of protection.

It's the wonderful, infuriating, devastating greatness of things that happen to us and for us and around us.

but I'd rather it not be us....

Are you okay?

I spoke to a therapist a few months ago. A family friend actually, who happens to do therapy as a side business. She said, "you value safety."

The only thing safe in this world is death, and I wonder...............

Is this all there is?

Pause, Breathe, Proceed.