Stressfully Empty

Who knows what day it is anymore. Who knows what time it is anymore.

I sit on my couch most of the day and try not to think. Thinking causes more stress. I did something dumb the other day and looked at my life. I don't know why. Maybe I hate myself.

Everything costs so much....

The economy is so bad....

These bills are still due....

Stop, focus, you have stuff to do...

But the hours still pass by and that anxiety. It never leaves my side.

The news shows so much hate. And it's hate directed at me. At my existence. At my person-hood.

But I still have stuff to do - block it out.

Talk to this student. Help that parent. Send these messages that say "I'm here to help you!"

Whose there for me?

The dog? No.... he just wants food and belly rubs.

The cat? HA! She's cat. She needs no one or nothing.

Friends? Those so far away I cannot touch?

Family? No...gotta be there for them.

I pour and pour and pour and pour out to others.....my cup is empty.

I'm just going through the motions.

Checking off the to-do-boxes of life and there is no meaning.

It doesn't matter what you do, all the cards are stacked against you.

I'm nothing more than a slug trying to climb a hill covered in salt.

But it's not just me. I can see it in you too. weary. doubtful. stressed. going through the motions of life.

And day by day, I take on you, too....

I don't try. God knows I don't try.

I am already weary. I am already weak. I am already tired.

It's 6:30 am. let's do it again. Paste on a smile.